Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
