i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
