No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
