my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
