thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
