I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
