you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
