just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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