So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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