Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sponge bath it is.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
