True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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