people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize