And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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