who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
