ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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