i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
