how can u be prego again
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
