I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
