So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
