I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How naked do you want me to be?
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