$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
