I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
