Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
