I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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