we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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