Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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