the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize