Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize