i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
