I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
