i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
