I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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