she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
