my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
