i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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