i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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