Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
