I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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