Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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