You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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