i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
