Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
