Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
