how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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