just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
