I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
tell me about the fingering
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
