normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
