I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
