How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
