she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
