My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
