i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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