omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize