I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
