first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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