i think my tv is drunk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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