I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
