I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
