I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
