I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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