the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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