I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
