it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
MIDGETS
????
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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