i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
