I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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