it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
