hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
