Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
