His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
