ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
