Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
