He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
