Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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