Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
