I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
