This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
