Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
