I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize