The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
