I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm passing your future prison.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
