My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
