Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
