I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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