Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The Olympian is in my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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