A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
