hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
