I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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