remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
