My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
