She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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