There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
