now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
