meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize