I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
