remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You ruined the universe
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
