In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
