that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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