I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
