How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
