remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
