That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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