ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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