can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
