I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
