Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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