Im at strip club and am horny
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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