Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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