If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
