Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
