I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
