i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
