Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
