these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize